I was forced to follow my gut, take my time, and make the best choice on the wildest half-my-age encounter ever.

I felt like I had won the love lottery.

But eventually, I had to go to Bangladesh, shit myself silly and eat roadkill to take things to the next level and seal the deal? Here’s my story…

First, a lot of background

For nine years before COVID, I was chugging along just fine, financially holding my own, and living a semi-retired, sail-boater freelance lifestyle when suddenly, the pandemic hit. I lost my clients as the world went into panic mode and lockdown. I didn’t care if I lived or died, but I was too chickenpoop to leap off my balcony.

It’s not that I wanted to die; it’s that I was dying to live!

I’ll start my story by saying to be careful what you wish for in life. The universe (or a higher power) has a cryptic way of delivering in unexpected ways.

Intent and desire have an almost cosmic way of attracting you to what you wish for, as my story will soon reveal.

Without getting into the weeds of my life, I’ll say that every night for years, I would ask the universe and Allah the following;

There are eight billion people out there. So PLEASE stop teasing me and send that one extraordinary pure love partner to share the rest of my life with before I turn into a dribbling old fool pooping in a diaper.

I had hit 60, feeling 40, and despite my best efforts, was not having long-term luck on the soulmate lover front. Of course, I love my ex as a best friend, but that’s different.

I consider myself a spiritual being who has human experiences. I was looking for that pure monogamous love; here is my kidney, you are the centre of my universe, and I am your oxygen dynamic that’s almost impossible to fathom or realize for a man of my age and orientation.

Scammers

As we all know, love scammers are everywhere and masterful at deception. I’m sure you’ve heard the story of someone who’s been taken for a ride.

Hopefully, you’ve never been played. But, if it ever happens, dust yourself off and don’t tell anyone (except your best friend).

Instead, please find comfort in knowing you’re the bigger person for trying to help. Then, learn the lesson and prevent it from happening again. Sometimes, attracting love (even from afar) means taking calculated risks.

I’d been ‘played’ before, and when it happens, it hurts; no, it sucks the big one! The difference between positive and negative relationship outcomes is hard to spot.

And the countless alternative face-to-face dates I’ve endured over the years were enough to make a billygoat puke. But on the other hand, in-person liaisons can, in many ways, be just as humiliating and weird a situation. Did you catch my drift?

Rightfully so and with tons of wisdom, you should typically hold back from sharing personal information or expressing your feelings and vulnerabilities to online ‘newbies.’ I don’t care what age they are or how lonely and horny you get.

Instead, be somewhat strategic in your approach. Let them chase you a bit and find subtle ways to test them. Of course, rescue dogs do it to us humans all the time — but I digress.

We’ve all experienced how social media attracts friends and foes to the inbox. Like cockroaches under the kitchen sink, avoid the latter.

Over the years, I’ve made great connections that have become beautiful everlasting bonds.

But my overly optimistic propensity for romance can blur my ability to distinguish between friend and foe.

Mine is a conundrum many men of my generation face. Metaphorically speaking, how does a vintage bottle of wine get discovered and appreciated tucked away at the back of the store surrounded by cheap bubbly?

I often wonder if my missed opportunities are not the universe’s way of clearing the path for the right love down the road. Someone once said, ‘Allah’s delays are not Allah’s denials’.

Sidebar: Note my reference to Allah. Did you know that Allah and God are the same? A fact my new Muslim love taught me.

Be honest…..

As you get older, you’re less in a position to be rigid or bashful in your approach to ‘cutting one out of the herd.’ Instead, drastic times call for drastic measures.

When suddenly, Allah sent ‘him’ a knocking from afar!

A smack-in-the-face shift was what I needed, so like a bolt of lightning from a higher power, I was forced to shift from my self-absorbed state of pity to another person’s far more significant dilemma across the way.

Keep reading…..

As a white Canadian of perceived privilege and comfort, I can be a target of deception. So when I meet someone online, I play hard to get, really hard to get.

Almost a dismissive fuck you, I’m busy hard to get. Call it self-preservation or selfishness. We all know how predatory the world can be at times.

Skepticism towards others trying to befriend you could backfire if you’re not careful. When the universe sends you an angel, and you bitterly spit in their face, who’s to blame for your unanswered prayers?

Fair enough, but what if every intuitive bone in your body tells you that the person asking for help is genuine without malicious intent? Something about their wild story adds up!

His was a third-world country’s inability to support its people during the height of the pandemic adequately. As a result, more people were on the verge of starvation due to lockdowns than being affected by the actual virus itself!

The allure of love can blind and intoxicate in a minefield of human predatory deception. But, moreover, you must not be too desperate or naive in the early days of ‘the hunt.’ for pure love — or a good shag!

He texted me begging for ‘anything I could spare’ to feed him and his parents. Their situation was dire, and he sent me the pics to prove it. So — shit does not get more real than this, my friend.

I sometimes struggle to tell the difference between those who are full of shit to those offering reciprocal opportunities to create a life that matters with you on wonderfully mutual terms?

His story added up…..!

It’s not that I get taken advantage of; I GIVE my advantage. There’s plenty to go around.

Meanwhile, millions of us in Canada legitimately collected federal support payments from the government.

Technically I didn’t need the monthly assistance, but who would pass up $2000 extra dollars a month for a year? I legally qualified, followed the rules and had no remorse whatsoever, despite having a shit load of other accessible funds if needed.

The tech stocks I held while living off covid assistance went through the roof that year, so I was lucky.

I suspect the feds didn’t want people panic-dumping investments and triggering a market crash. So if you lost your job due to the pandemic, they doled out funds like Halloween candy to a kid with diabetes.

I don’t make the rules; I follow them!

I started sending him money…

If you walked up to me on the street and emptied your pockets into mine, I’d take it! But then, I’d consider a way to repay my good fortune. That’s how a decent person should roll, don’t you think?

But despite my good financial position. I found myself alone with no kids or partner to fuss over, friends in hiding, no work, smoking crazy amounts of weed, paranoid, angry and confused as I binge-watched CNN’s impending doom for humanity. — these were dark times, my friend.

So what if I sent some of my well-deserved Covid Emergency Relief Benefits to feed a hungry family 12,000 miles away?

Back home, my cup had runneth over, and I wanted to pay it forward somehow. So — this was my chance to rise to the occasion.

The more I gave, the better I felt!

What if…?

Saving someone’s life gives you a sense of purpose and new meaning. For the first time since I could remember, I was thinking about someone other than myself.

It was enough to make even the most grounded person question the meaning of existence. I had lost perspective and purpose (don’t ever go there!) and needed a way out.

My dilemma had been brewing before the pandemic, but I ignored the warning signs. It’s fascinating how sometimes it takes a life crisis to act as the catalyst to create self-awareness that motivates and drives change.

In retrospect, the pandemic caused a tectonic shift in many people’s work, life habits, and relationships.

Millions (if not billions) of us during the pandemic realized how much our way of life sucked, especially when it came to earning, spending and interacting with others.

One of The Matrix’s most iconic movie moments is the red pill or blue pill sequence. Each pill represents something, with the red pill as the path to discovering the truth behind the lies, allowing you to change your knowledge and perception of reality forever.

WOW, suddenly my self-pity, boo hoo poor me, I can’t hit the gym, meet my pals for drinkie-poos, get a beard trim, or hang out on my yacht because a plague hit. What the fuck!

Fate turns in my favour!

Two years before the pandemic, I met this ‘human gift from Allah.’ He enjoyed my creative online work and kept sending me messages.

He was half my age, hardly spoke English, and lived in a poor fishing village 12,000 miles away. Demographically and culturally, we could not have been more different.

The guarded me played hard to get at first, but for some reason, we both kept coming back for more. –our behaviour defied logic. No doubt we were connected uniquely.

At that time, I wasn’t ready to open myself up to just anyone new, so I took things really sloooooow!

I would eventually discover he and I could not have been more spiritually, romantically and emotionally connected. Saving eachothers lives helped.

Our cultural and demographic differences were our strengths. The intergenerational, cross-cultural, contrasting socio-economic, geographic and sexual taboos most judgmental people threw in our faces were nothing more than ‘none of your business bullshit!’

I wanted to follow my heart, not my brain, for a change, and I didn’t need anyone telling me otherwise — especially a heterosexual person of traditional views (respectfully).

He lived in a relatively conservative Islamic country, and I was from a liberal French Canadian Catholic upbringing of white, some would say privilege.

We both wanted to be monogamously in love and ‘pack fudge’ (look it up, but don’t ask your parents; they won’t get it unless you have two dads) and avoid going to jail or hell in a handbasket.

Who cares what others think — it’s my life, and I’ll live it on my terms. I’m finally blessed enough to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, the way I want, for the reasons I want, as long as I do so with love and integrity.

One secret

One secret to our powerful bond is that we spent little time discussing humanity’s fear-based doomsday news.

I tried to talk about geopolitics, economics, and world affairs, and he wasn’t interested at all — he dominated me (on that issue), so instead, we channelled our energy talking about each other’s hopes, dreams, challenges, feelings and emotions.

As a result, even prolonged periods of silence on the phone were acceptable. Finally, I found my soulmate.

Sidebar: Have you ever spent 10 minutes in total silence on the phone? For me, it seems like an eternity. I crawl into my skin. I’ll even pass wind or belch to break the silence; what about you?

He taught me to embrace silence. Wait, what? Who’s teaching who? Am I supposed to be the daddy who schools him, and he, my boy, the student (said a friend)?

WTF? No one else had that power over me, and it freaked me out at first, but I’m used to it now. — — and by the way, I don’t do sugar daddy!

If you were in my shoes (size eleven), I’d suggest you and your new love focus on the here and now of each other’s lives instead of all those energy-draining, anxiety-provoking worldly distractions.

Without even trying or knowing, the magical connection you garner will transcend boundaries that will flourish five core human needs: a sense of significance, connection, belonging, personal growth and contribution.

— think about that for a moment.

Mr. Right or Mr. Not Right Now?

A friend once said, ‘you’re are such a good catch, Daniel. You have your shit together; you’re a silver-fox daddy, super kind, educated, and fun to be around. You’re a well-resourced Canadian with a lot to offer the world. So why haven’t you found Mr. Right, and why do your past relationships fizzle?’

Was I the case of not finding Mr. Right, or was this more about Mr. Right but not right now? Or was I looking for love in all the wrong places? The answer to which hindsight would only tell.

I had to travel to Bangladesh during a pandemic, shit myself silly, and eat roadkill to find love?

So, in my ever-evolving life, love, and learning story, the best advice I can offer is to surrender and be open to the possibilities and “what-ifs” angels mercifully send you.

It took me years to gain the willingness to open up to a potential soulmate who didn’t fit a traditional mould. Unfortunately, desperate times call for drastic measures.

The fact that I saved his life during the pandemic helped. But, in a way, he had also saved mine!

There was more at play here than sending money overseas. Beneath, all the covid survivalist drama was a genuine reciprocal connection that had been brewing for a while.

The financial urgency was the catalyst that opened my heart. Had it not been for Covid, I would have never said YES. — It starts with a Yes!

“Was a higher power FINALLY sending me that one extraordinary pure love partner I HAD BEEN ASKING FOR?”

Like many, I believe that somewhere in the sea of eight billion souls, there’s always a kind, honest, and exciting person who genuinely wants to connect—that unique individual who seeks a transformative rather than transactional relationship.

So, hang in there if you haven’t found it already. It took me more than 60 years to find mine.

With me, countless video exchanges were spent discovering the unmasked truths of each other’s lives and families. Learning about our cultural differences became the highlight of my everyday life.

I was LIVING, LOVING and LEARNING again and found new meaning. I was finally practicing what I had been preaching online for years.

He was what I had been praying and looking for since. My prayers seemed answered!

He had become my medicine, that dose of sanity in an otherwise scary world. I had become his beacon of light and hope for a better future. We needed each other — full stop!

Finally, — we were hooked, and it was time to get serious and take things to the next level.

Eventually, I visited his home in Bangladesh for 30 days in December 2021, another 30 days in April 2022, and then again in January 2023. He was my invaluable tour guide and saviour from the bacterial monsters and cultural faux pas Bangladesh is known for.

Then, in May 2022, he accompanied me on a trip to Nepal, where we had both died and gone to heaven.

The cultural shock of Bangladesh rendered me a child. I had to learn how to squat poop, which my western legs (and shoes) could not master at first.

I ate what seemed like tasty roadkill. Kudos to his Mother for making goat skin taste like breaded calamari from a pub and brain taste like pate de foie gras.

For some reason, prawns, the next day left overnight on the counter, gave me the epic trots!

Moreover, my over-friendly Canadian demeanour in an Islamic land got me a few stares from the local women and their male chaperones. Still, they graciously forgave me for being Western and chuckled at my awkwardness.

Using my inferior right hand to wave, shake hands, pass things and eat does not come naturally for a fork-toting left-hander.

So it’s no wonder I lost 15 pounds that month. My life was quite literally in my new man’s hands. I was rendered the child, and he became the parent—how cool is that?

Sidebar: Have you noticed I’m not using his real name in my story? That’s to protect his identity. But, sadly, we can’t let our guard down, knowing the world can be unfair, cruel and ignorant toward others who ‘are different.’ So I call him ‘Sweet Pea.’

I’ve never felt so invigorated.

These two trips were physically and emotionally the most exhausting and invigorating experiences of my life. I felt as if I was on another planet, yet so welcomed, safe and respected.

Everywhere I went, people wanted to take a selfie with me. So this is what it must be like to be Angelina Jolie — I thought.

This father-son persona we were flaunting allowed us to hide in plain sight — wink wink!

By this point, it was evident that I had made the right choice following my intuition and heart over listening to a logical ‘don’t do it’ mentality others had reiterated.

I survived the murky online predatory relationship waters and found true love! When this happens, it’s like winning the relationship lottery; I told a friend.

This wasn’t my first rodeo, but it will likely be my last (InshAllah). I’m painfully aware of how relationships evolve. — they’re a lot of work! Sweet Pea has no idea what he’s in for moving to Canada to live with me.

What he doesn’t yet know is good, and I can make our Canadian roadkill just as tasty as his Mother can. — honest!

Be careful what you wish for…..

…. still here… keep reading, and thanks for hanging in there, my curious reader…..

It’s finally time for him to move to Canada.

Next, it was time to invite him to visit me in Canada. The official aim was to be with me for only a few months under a tourist visa. But, of course, we both knew that he was NOT going back once here. We planned to marry………say what!

Ask yourself what emotions I elicit in you (if any). Can you relate to any of my stories?

Did you know that there are only four places on earth where two foreign nationals of the same sex can get married? Count your blessings, my hetero neighbour.

At this point, our fate was in the hands of an anonymous Visa officer — warts and all.

I was a financially viable, creative guy living in a gig economy. I had the means to support the epic life journey we were crafting together moderately. What could go wrong?

Frustratingly, in 2022, there was a 140-day Canadian government backlog in processing Temporary Visas. That’s almost a five-month delay, which typically takes around fourteen days.

So, our tourist visa was unsurprisingly buried in the queue. -not to mention the backlog of Ukrainian refugees fleeing Putin’s murderous war. We appreciate that they’re a higher priority, but it still sucked.

Any year after 60 feels like seven dog years to me. I am painfully impatient, and he is desperately frustrated with the mounting delays.

Aside from oozing passion, we are two creatives who want to spend our time crafting storytelling media with our DJI Avita drone, GoPro, and 48-megapixel cameras.

South Asia and Canadian landscapes are the dreams of a Video journalist (that’s what I call myself these days).

We’re always chomping at the bit to produce new content using Final Cut Pro and other apps. I ache to get back into story writing, and he wants to learn graphic design and animation. We love being around nature. I can go on and on, but you get my point: We are a match on fire.

…the end

Now, what’s your STORY?

Thanks for reading, and remember, keep doing what matters to LIVE LOVE, and LEARN on your terms and the terms of the person nearest and dearest to you. And remember, if I can find love online, half my age, by trusting my gut, anyone can. 

#AboutDan, #Creativity, #Bangladesh, #Islam, #Lottery, #Love, #Medium, #Pandemic, #Relationships, #Travel, #WhatIf